The Fair and Free Election


Alexander Nemenov

Elections within Russia

Tavishi Chattopadhyay, Staff Writer

Please note that this is a satirical article written by Tavishi Chattopadhyay, a staff writer for the Patriot. This article may not be accurate in its portrayal of events or reflect the viewpoint of the Patriot as a whole. This article is meant to be a humorous take on the Russian Election of 2021.

Russia is hailed as the land of democracy, equal rights, fraud-free elections, and a diverse cast of political parties. Oh to live in Russia, the land of the free! Speaking of Russia, the country just had its 2021 election for seats in Parliament. And like all elections, it was entirely free of any fraud. In fact, all of the reports of supposed fraud are too odd to be true. CNN reports claim that Russian election officials used dirty technology to mislead voters. One anti-Kremlin representative claimed that Youtube had taken down a video with their strategies for “smart voting”. Such nonsense! A liberal Yabloko party candidate had two of his opponents assume his identity and appearance. The candidate claims that these two opponents were Scrolls from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). Despite these false allegations of fraud, the election results have demonstrated that there is vast support among Russians for Putin and his pro-Kremlin party, a party that supports Putin and his decisions. One woman told the New York Times that she is “thankful that God gave us such a leader” after hearing the results of the election. The pro-Kremlin candidate, Popov, won the election with a grand 20,000 more votes than his opponent. With such a stunning victory it’s no wonder that the losing candidate, Mikhail Lobanov, was sore about the results. He claims in an ABC News article that before the online votes were counted, he was 10,500 votes ahead of Popov. It’s outrageous to think that someone who is running for Parliament could claim such a thing. What are the citizens of Russia supposed to think now? That the protestors are correct? That the great Mother Russia is as the rest of the world portrays it, a terrible dictatorship? It’s hearsay! After all, what’s more like democracy than parties that all cast their vote in favor of Vladimir Putin’s decisions?

“I’m thankful that God gave us such a leader.”

— Tatyana Kolosova