Aggressively Ranking the Fast Food Chains of New Jersey

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This is an opinion piece. Daniel Hellriegel is a junior at Mendham who writes for school news. All of the views expressed in the following editorial are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Patriot. 

Welcome to the most correct ranking of fast food restaurants you have ever seen. Instead of doing the classic worst to best, I am going to let you know right in the beginning who the king is so you don’t have to scroll down, because let’s be honest- the winners deserve more attention than the losers in this situation. Enjoy the ranking!

Taco Bell – This is my heaven. This is my everything. Not even kidding, I’m literally eating Taco Bell while I’m writing this article. I don’t think that there is anything more magical than the deliciousness of Taco Bell. Even though it’s the unhealthiest, it HAS to be the best. Hands down. 

Wendy’s – Some people hate Wendy’s because they say that it’s not as good, but I think it’s so good. Maybe I’m biased because it’s the closest to my house and I have so many good memories eating Wendy’s with my friends, and their food is surprisingly good quality. I especially love their square “100% Pure Beef Hamburger” and frosties are so spectacular.

McDonald’s –  McDonald’s is close with Wendy’s, but they deserve that spot. Their nuggets are top notch and they are a classic. Plus, the fries are delectable. The SALT? Absolute perfection. According to, you were ranked first in New Jersey fast food restaurants, but I had to take your crown away to award some superior restaurants. But, Big Mac Sauce is great.

Panera –  Panera, my sweet child. I love you so. Your Mac and Cheese is so good and I love your Avocado Chicken Chipotle Southwest whatever sandwiches. You guys would definitely be higher if your prices were the tiniest bit cheaper, plus the Mac and Cheese makes you gassy. Love you still!

Popeye’s – You know, some people like to hate on Popeye’s, but y’all got something good. Hands-down the best chicken restaurant in the BIZ. In Buzzfeed’s video, “Fast Food Employees Rate Each Other’s Chicken Sandwiches,” Popeye’s was victorious! Also, they undoubtedly have the best jingle. The only reason they are so low is because there are not enough near me. 

KFC – KFC is close behind Popeye’s, but Popeye’s definitely beats them with their sides. But, KFC does have a lot going for it, especially those big buckets of chicken that always piqued my interest. I would be interested to try some more. 

Burger King – Ya know, Burger King, you need to step it up. We have so much hope for you, but you continue to disappoint with your mediocre burgers. You do have the very good selling point of the delectable chicken fries, but after that, I find little to compliment you on. This is definitely a wake-up call, because you guys have potential. 

Chick-Fil-A – I am so sorry, but Chick-Fil-A is way overhyped. Ya know, religious motives aside, I wanted to try their food with an open mind, but I was severely disappointed. I was even eating it at a layover in Atlanta, which is where they came from! The sauce was decent, but the fries were very underseasoned and the chicken just cannot compare to Popeye’s. Sorry sweetie, but if y’all wanna stay open, I would suggest opening up on Sunday’s.

Subway – Frankly, Subway, I’m over your shtick. You have never impressed me and your ingredients have always been lackluster. I always have been searching to be impressed, but you always seem to fail. Next time, read a book and learn what food is before you try to serve me those nasty sauces. 

White Castle – Now, White Castle, I find little good to say about you. Everything you guys make tastes like it came from a freezer and I want you to step it up. You guys also have little signature foods, so I really have no motive to buy any of your food. Sorry not sorry.

Arby’s – Oh, we have made it to the worst. Arby’s, I passionately dislike you. When I was a young padawan, I went on a road trip and ordered a roast beef sandwich from Arby’s. But, I was disgusted by the use of sauce and the soggy, gray, vomit-inducing “beef?” Frankly, I don’t know why you’re in business still, and you should be replaced by some other restaurants STAT. Still love ya 🙂

You know, some of you may be offended. Especially you aggressive Chick-Fil-A fans. But that’s okay, have some Taco Bell and we can talk again about their superiority. Just remember, you gotta eat it fast before it gets too greasy and sad beyond recognition.